Child sexual abuse can take many forms. It can include touching children inappropriately, exposing them to pornography, encouraging them to act or speak sexually (in-person or on the internet), engaging in sexual acts with them or in their presence, and filming, videotaping or photographing children engaged in, or pretending to engage in, sexual activity.
A child sexual abuser may spend months or even years "grooming" a victim with nonsexual hugging and touching - behavior that appears to be perfectly normal and acceptable. After gaining the child's trust, the perpetrator gradually shifts to more sexual (abusive) behavior.
Child sexual abuse can be highly traumatic, and, while not all children suffer long term effects, serious repercussions are not unusual.
Who are the abusers?
Child sexual abuse by strangers does happen, but the vast majority of perpetrators are people the child knows and trusts - family members, friends, or babysitters.
The majority of child sexual abuse perpetrators are men, but some are women. Occasionally, couples will jointly abuse children, or one will abuse while the other keeps silent - often as a result of threats.
Many child sexual abusers were sexually abused when they were children.
How often does it happen?
It is generally believed that about one girl in four is sexually abused by the time she reaches 18. Boys are abused at the rate of about one in six. (Finkelhor et al. 1990)
Usually, the abuse begins gradually and then increases over time. It is rarely a one-time incident. Often it continues for years - until the abuser is found out or the child grows up and moves away.
Do children sometimes seek sexual attention?
What children seek is not sex, but normal affection and love. Sometimes they may appear "provocative" when they mimic adult behavior. Children copy many adult behaviors without understanding the implications.
Abusers may use the child's behavior to rationalize their own conduct, but regardless of what the child does, it is the adult who is responsible for his or her own actions. A child is never responsible for being abused.
Why don't children tell?
- As children come to understand what is happening, they may be ashamed of what they wrongly believe is their participation in the abuse.
- They may have been threatened or bribed into silence. Threats may be directed at the child, at other family members, or perhaps at the child's pet.
- They may be afraid no one will believe them. Sometimes they do try to tell, only to be hushed by family members who warn that it's not "nice" to talk about those things. The child may even face punishment for telling.
- They may not have the words to explain what is going on.
- They may feel guilty for consequences to the abuser.
Keep in mind that children are used to doing what they are told. They are used to having adults touch them. They are used to having adults do things they don't understand.
Do children sometimes make up stories about being sexually abused?
Very few children invent these stories. If children lie about sexual abuse, they are much more likely to minimize the nature or frequency of the abuse than make false accusations.
How can I reduce the risk to my children?
Urge your children to tell you about anyone who hurts or scares them or makes them feel uncomfortable, and give them permission to refuse to obey an older child or adult if they believe what is happening is wrong. Establish an atmosphere that lets your children know they can talk to you about anything.
Children who are able to care for their own needs in dressing, bathing, and using the toilet may be less vulnerable. Pay attention to persons who are a little too "helpful," and include information about sexual assault when teaching your children about safety.
How can I tell if my child is being sexually abused?
Unfortunately, there is not one signal that indicates sexual abuse is occurring. It is also true that many other factors in a child's life could result in behavior changes such as those listed below.
Behaviors that suggest a child might be experiencing some kind of distress include:
- an increase in physical complaints
- unexplained fear or dislike of certain people or places, depression, or withdrawal
- nightmares or other sleep disturbances
- regression to infantile behaviors such as thumb-sucking or bed-wetting
- abnormal interest in sex or knowledge of sexual matters inappropriate for the child's age
- frequent genital or urinary tract infections or irritations, excessive masturbation
- self-injury such as burning or cutting
In older children and teens you may see additional behaviors such as:
- suicide attempts
- school or discipline problems
- eating disorders
- low self-esteem
- drug or alcohol abuse
- running away
If your child seems upset, depressed, fearful of a particular individual, or begins behaving uncharacteristically, a simple "Can you tell me what's bothering you?" may tell you what's wrong.
What should I do if a child tells me he or she has been sexually abused?
It is important to remain calm. Children may interpret anger at the perpetrator as anger against them. You may be tempted to confront the abuser, but taking this action may reinforce the child's fears that telling you has made you angry or is going to break up the family, just as the abuser threatened. Confronting the abuser can also be dangerous. If a confrontation is unavoidable, do it only when the child is not present.
Let your child tell you what happened in his or her own words. Reassure your child that the abuse was not his or her fault and that telling you was the right thing to do. Maintain the child's confidentiality, but make sure he or she understands that you may have to tell the police or the doctor. (Medical attention is recommended even if you see no signs of injury.)
Report the incident to the police, to your county child welfare agency or to Childline, the Pennsylvania state-wide child abuse reporting hotline: 800-932-0313. Reports may be made anonymously.
If you feel that counseling may be appropriate, consider calling your local sexual assault agency. You can talk with a hotline counselor and, if you choose, arrange for in-person sessions for your child, for you, or for both. In Westmoreland County, PA, 724-836-1122 or 1-888-832-2272.
PLEASE NOTE: Blackburn Center counselors are mandated by law to report child abuse, as are other professionals who come into contact with children in the course of their business.