Most victims eventually do leave, but for many, leaving - and staying away for good - is very hard. Here are some of the reasons.
- She* wants to give the abuser another chance, hoping things will change.
- She believes his behavior is her fault or that it is her responsibility to stand by her partner no matter what.
- Because she has been isolated by the abuser from supports; she has no money of her own, no job, no skills, no place to go.
- She knows the kids will miss their dad.
- She is afraid he will take the children or that he will report her as an "unfit mother."
- She believes that all relationships are like this.
- She has turned to people for help but no one believed her, or they told her it was her fault or that she was overreacting.
- The abuser has powerful friends.
- She is embarrassed. She believes she has "allowed" this to happen, or that she should have been able to fix her partner, or that she was a poor judge of character. She is embarrassed to admit that the people who warned her were right. A male victim may be particularly embarrassed to admit that his partner is abusing him.
- She wants to hang on until she can prove to the abuser that she can make decent spaghetti sauce or keep the kids quiet during the football game.
- She has been stripped of self-esteem to the point where she feels she can't make it on her own.
- She is afraid of being killed. It is important to note that the most lethal time for a battered woman may be when she takes action to end the relationship.