You cannot save a domestic violence victim from abuse, but as a friend or family member, you may be able to offer both emotional and concrete support.
- Remember that the victim is not responsible for the abuser's behavior. Only the abuser is responsible.
- Be patient. It is natural for a victim of domestic violence to hope things will get better. It is normal for the victim to feel a tremendous sense of loss at recognizing the relationship will not get better. Accepting that loss may take time.
- It's okay to say that you have noticed the bruises, or that the person seems to be upset and you are concerned. Invite the victim to talk, but don't insist. When the victim does talk, listen - and believe what you hear.
- Look under "Abuse" or "Domestic Violence" or "Shelters" in your phone book so you can provide the number for the agency in your area. These agencies offer services that are both free and confidential. In Westmoreland County, PA: 724-836-1122 or 1-888-832-2272.
- Instead of telling a victim of domestic violence what to do, encourage her (or him) to examine the available options. Talking things over with someone who is willing to listen may help the victim see the choices and consequences a little more clearly.
- Offer help, but only what you can deliver safely. Can you help plan an escape to a safe place? Provide transportation? Hold on to some of the victim's belongings in case they are needed in a hurry? Provide an emergency refuge for the victim's children?
- Understand that it is unrealistic to assure a victim of domestic violence that she will “feel so much better” after leaving. The first several months – or longer – may be very difficult. A victim who is prepared for reality is more likely to have a positive outcome.
- Try to keep yourself from saying "I'd never put up with that," or "If I were in your situation..." These comments may only add to the victim's feelings of failure and helplessness.
- Call the police if you hear or see violence taking place.